NEW BATMAN GAME!

I was really excited for the new Arkham Asylum game... until I saw a gameplay video on my Xbox. First off, it's an Eidos game. You know, the guys that ran the Tomb Raider franchise into the ground. Over, and over, and over. And then they got bought out by Square Enix. Because they suck.

Arkham Asylum is going to be a stealth game that just happens to have Batman in it. Sure, they got the voices from Batman: The Animated Series (Kevin Conroy and Mark "Skywalker" Hamill), but that's just not good enough. This will be a darker version of Hitman with cooler gadgets. Hitman was sloooooowwwww. I'm Batman. I don't want to hide in the shadows and sneak around all slowey! I want to kick some henchman butt with my funkey gadgets, then kick some Killer Croc and Joker butt, also with my funky gadgets, crazy intelligence, and millions of dollars. I know Batman sneaks around in the shadows and is one with the night... but I want to be the fun, exciting, cool parts of Batman. Maybe there is a small chance that the game will work; Eidos did create Desu Ex, after all. But B:AA isn't Deus Ex. It's Tomb Raider and Hitman. Bleh.

Ever seen a video for MadWorld on Wii? The game looks cool, and stylish, and gore-tastic, and fun. But you see the game in action, it's not that interesting. You run around, grab people, and toss them into sharp objects for five hours. Weeee...

XIII had style too. But the hit detection was shoddy and the graphics, while interesting, were actually kind of ugly. Also, the controls always felt a little... off. It had a sweet soundtrack and a huge amount of style, but that wouldn't save it. It won't save Batman either. Arkham Asylum will sell millions, and fanboys will love it, but it will not be a classic. It will be just another slow-paced Eidos disappointment. Oh well.