Saturday, January 31, 2009

New old games

Sometimes, game companies create new IPs. See: Mirror's Edge, Mass Effect, any Tim Schafer game. Usually, though, they realize, "Hey, we're a game company." Then they let the purpose of a company (to make money) get in the way of the creative part of game creation. They see that Madden consistently sells millions upon millions of copies each year despite the fact that changes to the game from one season to the next are mostly superficial. They see that Psychonauts and Okami do not sell despite near-universal critical acclaim. Maybe it's the funny names. Maybe consumers just don't have as much money as they used to. Maybe Average Joe fears change. Barack is president now; maybe his inauguration can be the turning point for the game industry as well as the economy. Maybe people will start trying new things because the old things are boring. The old things don't work anymore. Change, as they say, is good.

Then why do game companies continue mining the past for ideas instead of looking to the future?

Space Invaders Extreme. Galaga Legions. Geometry Wars. (It's Asteroids in Technicolor. Zip it.) Halo Wars/Recon/ODST/4/5/6. DDR Super Max Ultimate Extreme Hyper Fighting II: The World War Road Warriors. Once-fresh ideas are now being re-hashed so continually and consistently that whole generations are now being robbed of the initial "wow" factor of a new game or a new technology. When GTA III was released and instantly popularized the sandbox world genre, people were amazed. They said things like, "Now I expect so much more from my games." Flash forward through Vice City and San Andreas and you have GTA IV - more polished, but basically the same game. Is it still fun? Most definitely, but not as exciting, fresh, or new.

Which brings me to my question: is the amount of fun you have with a game related to the amount of innovation in it? Are remakes (Prince of Persia, Bionic Commando, Ninja Gaiden) fun because the source was so pure and undiluted? How long can you milk a concept or franchise before it becomes obsolete and unplayable? Square Enix has made each new Final Fantasy game a fresh take on the classic RPG formula to varying levels of success, while the Tony Hawk games started to stink so bad that they finally took a year off to regroup.

Madden will always be fun despite the lack of substantial updates. Mario will continue to charm gamers the world over with each new adventure. Game developers will continue mining the past as long as there's money to be made (*cough*Sega*cough*). Still, as long as there are people that are not content to merely rest on their grandad's NES laurels, the future still has a future. And maybe it all doesn't have to be in the past.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Wii Sex

There are sooooo many Wii-mote add-ons, ranging from the obvious (tennis rackets, baseball bats, guns, swords/light sabers) to the ridiculous (Cooking Mama's fork, spoon, and spatula combo is a personal favorite). Why not make an add-on you can actually use? Behold, introducing... the Wii Wang! Yep. A dildo remote. The controller already vibrates. Once Nintendo brings out their motion plus 1:1 remote (finally delivering on the promises left unfulfilled by the original controller) they can bring out their AO-rated Wii Sex and the pseudo-sequel Wii Suck (oral for the masses). The "trainers" from Wii Fit can break out of their roles like Mario did when he refereed Punch-Out, only it'll be slightly hotter. It'll even have the same demographic as Wii Fit: lonely middle-aged moms. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to make the Wii-mote into a vagina... yet.

This isn't too far-fetched. When Rez came out on the PS2 in Japan, you could get it with a "trance vibrator" so your girlfriend could play with you. Maybe Wii Sex will just come out in Japan. All I know is that if it's not first-party, it will suck. Just like everything else. Yay Wii.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Red Ring of Death

Sometimes, after you play a 360 for a month, it breaks. Ok, almost all the time. But Microsoft is really good about it. You mail it in and they'll fix it for free, and you go without games for a month. Of course, there's still the Wii, collecting dust on the shelf. When you realize that you've already beaten all five good Wii games (you know - the ones Nintendo made), you get sad again. You go to GameStop and you buy an original Xbox for $50. You play KOTOR, Riddick, Stranger's Wrath, and Deus Ex 2. You realize that the Xbox wasn't just a bigger, less successful PS2. You discover that you won't be sad and gameless for a month. Yay.

Is this Microsoft's master plan? By not being completely backwards compatible, they encourage you to keep your original XXLbox even though it doubles as a TV stand. Also, pawn shops sell old Xbox games for $5. Kinda makes you never want to go to Best Buy and spend $200 on Rock Band again. You find out that Mirror's Edge is just a polished version of Breakdown and Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel is just Baldur's Gate with guns and a different setting. Oh well, there's probably originality out there somewhere. Or not. There used to be, but our NES's aren't even plugged in any more. Whatev.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Power Outage

Last week, the power went out for the first time since I moved into my apartment. Without my 360 or a computer, I had my first reason ever to watch a movie on my PSP. However, it had been so long since I powered it up, the battery was completely dead. Thanks, Sony. If you had given me even one reason since Chains of Olympus to keep my PSP charged, I wouldn't have had to read a Terry Pratchett book with a maglite while eating cold pop tarts.
And you wonder why you've been getting stomped by Nintendo since you debuted. It's the games! It's the games... We already have iPods and portable DVD players. You're superior to the DS in so many ways. Utilize them and maybe I'll charge you again one day.