Ode to PopCap Games

You jerks. Why are you making games that are so addictive? They seem harmless, at first. But just as I was researching your site for nice things to say about you, I stumbled onto a free trial of Bookworm. Zap. There goes an hour of my life that I will never get back. "Yods" doesn't even sound like a word, but it won me 600 points.

You made Bejeweled, and moms all over the world have been in your grasp ever since. Sequels, and pseudo-sequels, and everyone still loves you. On their computer at work, on iPhone... your reach is limitless.

You just released Plants Vs. Zombies, and everyone loves it. A tower defense game, and it won numerous Game of the Month awards, despite the fact that that tired genre was originally created roughly twenty years ago. Your best selling game ever.

Feeding Frenzy, Zuma, Astropop, you can do no wrong... and I hate you. Now that you're on 360, the quest for achievements makes your games even more time-consuming. And Peggle is on WoW... what's next? Feeding Frenzy in the shower, on the fogged mirror on the wall, with your soapy finger? Perhaps.

That is all the attention you get. I must get back to Bookworm.

Thanks for nothing, PopCap. You addictive jerks. Why can't I quit you?

Puzzle Quest - The Hidden Addiction

When Puzzle Quest came out on DS, PSP, PC, Wii, PS2, PSN, and XBLA, I picked it up for $20. Yeah, it looked to be basically a Bejeweled clone, but it was a Bejeweled clone in which you could level up and cast spells and slay goblins! Awesome. I would play it on the toilet, where nobody would bother me, and I would often sit there until my legs fell asleep. "Just one more game," I would say to myself, "I wouldn't be able to stand up right now anyway, my feet are numb." Within days, I had already reached the last boss. It is not a short game. I was addicted. To a puzzle game. To a DS game! No way! But when I completed it, I put it away. Because it had an end point to the storyline, there was a time when it was eventually over. This is unlike other Tetris, or Lumines, or other puzzlers you can play ad nauseum. Does that hurt it as a brilliant game? I don't know...

When the year was up and I was looking over various Game of the Year awards in magazines and on the Internet, Puzzle Quest kept popping up as a final contender. I had played it (a lot) and yet had never considered it one of the greatest games of the year. This was pretty weird, because I don't want to play a bad game, no one does. Yet even though I sunk more time into it than just about any other game that year besides Oblivion, I discounted it subconsciously because of its simplicity and "casual" nature. A simple puzzle game can't be Game of the Year! But what makes Game of the Year? Is it addictiveness, a willingness to play it over all other games of its time? Because Puzzle Quest ensnared me completely, even with a simple, cliched fantasy plot and colorful yet unimpressive graphics that did their job and little else. Also, the music was just awful, and the loop was far too short for the amount of time an average person could sink into it. But I loved it. And I am hereby declaring it one of my favorite games of all time. Maybe Puzzle Kingdoms is good too...?

Mom's Day

It's Mother's Day... did you get her a card? Did you get her a Mother's Day version DS with Personal Trainer: Cooking? No? I hope not, that would probably just insult her. Cookbooks are bad ideas - they imply that you don't like her cooking. $150 cookbooks are very expensive bad ideas. Not to mention that the green DS Lite that you can get with the bundle is the only place you can find it, making it sure to be a collector's item someday, and also making sure that everyone knows that you got it from a son that really doesn't like your cooking. Yay for public embarrassment!

Not saying that moms don't like to play video games. I got my own mom Bejeweled Twist just this last Christmas, and I'm sure she loves it. It's true that they probably won't play the next iteration of Wolfenstein or Fallout, but there is enough room in the world for "casual gamers" that only like to play a quick game of Peggle before bed or to unwind after a long day at work. What's more, today's casual gamers could be tomorrow's hardcore gamers. Just because you're friends are excited about Lego Rock Band and you have no desire to even see it take up store shelves doesn't mean it won't give you two someething to talk about when he grows up to playing the real Rock Band. Come on, can't we all just get along? Moms, nerds, little brothers, and dogs? Yes, dogs too... don't be racist (humanist?). Just put some kibbles on your Wii-mote and let Fido go to town on it. I guarantee he'll win at least one match in Super Smash Brothers.