Ode to PopCap Games

You jerks. Why are you making games that are so addictive? They seem harmless, at first. But just as I was researching your site for nice things to say about you, I stumbled onto a free trial of Bookworm. Zap. There goes an hour of my life that I will never get back. "Yods" doesn't even sound like a word, but it won me 600 points.

You made Bejeweled, and moms all over the world have been in your grasp ever since. Sequels, and pseudo-sequels, and everyone still loves you. On their computer at work, on iPhone... your reach is limitless.

You just released Plants Vs. Zombies, and everyone loves it. A tower defense game, and it won numerous Game of the Month awards, despite the fact that that tired genre was originally created roughly twenty years ago. Your best selling game ever.

Feeding Frenzy, Zuma, Astropop, you can do no wrong... and I hate you. Now that you're on 360, the quest for achievements makes your games even more time-consuming. And Peggle is on WoW... what's next? Feeding Frenzy in the shower, on the fogged mirror on the wall, with your soapy finger? Perhaps.

That is all the attention you get. I must get back to Bookworm.

Thanks for nothing, PopCap. You addictive jerks. Why can't I quit you?

Who are the Gamers?

Video games have changed over the last 30 years from simple PONG and Space Invaders clones into a multi-billion dollar industry where games are on par with the relentless Hollywood machine that has been churning out pop culture for nearly three times as long. The people that play them have changed, as well. No longer are video games relegated to the basements of pimply nerds that have never seen a boob and spend their nights debating long and hard over the merits of D&D 4th Edition versus 3rd. Now, moms are gamers. Grandmas are gamers. Nerds are... still gamers. My cat is a gamer. Vin Diesel is a gamer. Spielberg is a gamer. Obama has a Wii. A recent study claims that American adults today have a 50/50 chance of being a gamer. So what is a "gamer" now, anyway? It doesn't seem like it should be a stigma on your popularity anymore, does it? If so, then half the country is unpopular. And Obama would have to be uncool, too. The only reason he got elected is because he's so cool! What is a gamer today, then?

MTV thinks they know. They had an episode of True Life profiling professional gamers, including one guy who works the "underground" circuit... the dank, seedy underbelly of the digital world that Miyamoto pretends doesn't exist. The real pros (at least at Halo) were teenage gangsta wannabe types that dropped out of school to play games for a living. Sounds like a pipe dream for the average American that has to hold down a full-time job.

Spike TV thinks they have the answer, too. The Spike Video Game Awards bring movie and TV celebrities (Lindsey Lohan? Really?) to the stage to give awards to games and people they've probably never heard of. Sure, the average celebrity probably looks a whole lot better on a poster than the average gamer does, but the commercialization of video game award shows may have the same effect on "real" award ceremonies (like the Interactive Achievement Awards) that the Wii's influence has had on the term "gamer."

Maybe Lionsgate knows the answer. Gamer, a movie about - gamers - is coming out this fall and will star Gerard Butler. Nothing like a little more press for our favorite pastime, eh?

Wikipedia has a fun little article on gamers, labeling the different groups, segregating people who play games into neat little social circles... but isn't the new "everybody can play" Wii mentality supposed to destroy these labels? It won't happen, but we can hope, can't we? However, many "hardcore" and "pro" gamers would hate to be included in the same group with people that just want to play a quick game of Peggle or Mob Wars before bed, and many "casual" gamers don't even consider the few stolen moments of their lives to be actual "gaming."

If you read this blog, you are probably a gamer. If you are an American, you are probably a gamer. If you have the kind of expendable income that could feed an entire third-world village for weeks at a time, you probably waste that money on selfish things... like games. You pay for an experience, an escape. An escape from what? That's what makes us all different. But in the Halo or Call of Duty lobby, we can all be friends sharing similar experiences, as gamers. Awww, sweet togetherness.

Mom's Day

It's Mother's Day... did you get her a card? Did you get her a Mother's Day version DS with Personal Trainer: Cooking? No? I hope not, that would probably just insult her. Cookbooks are bad ideas - they imply that you don't like her cooking. $150 cookbooks are very expensive bad ideas. Not to mention that the green DS Lite that you can get with the bundle is the only place you can find it, making it sure to be a collector's item someday, and also making sure that everyone knows that you got it from a son that really doesn't like your cooking. Yay for public embarrassment!

Not saying that moms don't like to play video games. I got my own mom Bejeweled Twist just this last Christmas, and I'm sure she loves it. It's true that they probably won't play the next iteration of Wolfenstein or Fallout, but there is enough room in the world for "casual gamers" that only like to play a quick game of Peggle before bed or to unwind after a long day at work. What's more, today's casual gamers could be tomorrow's hardcore gamers. Just because you're friends are excited about Lego Rock Band and you have no desire to even see it take up store shelves doesn't mean it won't give you two someething to talk about when he grows up to playing the real Rock Band. Come on, can't we all just get along? Moms, nerds, little brothers, and dogs? Yes, dogs too... don't be racist (humanist?). Just put some kibbles on your Wii-mote and let Fido go to town on it. I guarantee he'll win at least one match in Super Smash Brothers.