The Interwebs

The Wii has one thing on the 360 and the PS3... a web browser. Why oh why is the family-friendly Wii allowed access to all the inappropriateness of the internet while far more advanced systems are left in the cold? A web browser was rumored to be included with the New Xbox Experience (NXE), but those rumors were proven false. As it stands now, the Wii, the system least-connected yet with the greatest market saturation, is the only system that can get on the web without having to be hacked. Oh, the PSP works too... but there's no keyboard for that! Maybe if they released a peripheral like the 360 controller/keyboard that comes with the messenger kit then it would discover some viability as a "connected" platform.

Eugh. There is no real good reason that the 360 and PS3 continue to refuse to release a web browser. Aren't game systems of the future trying to become more like multimedia extravaganzas? With Blu-Ray, HDDVD, media centers, CD burning, and movie downloading/watching, these systems do it all... except let you check your MySpace. Sure, there are viruses on the 'Net. But it will be at least a few days before a hacker creates a virus just to infect your Xbox save files and steal your GamerTag. The Mac has just recently been introduced to the wonderful world of computer viruses, and it's been around for 20 years. I'm sure your MGS4 snapshots will remain safe.

I understand that not many people will use their 360's or PS3's to surf the web, but wouldn't you at least like the option? When my PC went on the fritz, my Wii actually saw some use - it became my only connection to the wide outside web world. It's nice to have a back-up plan. When my 360 red-ringed, I still had a launch-day PS2 that continues to work just fine. Same concept. But with the Internet! See?

PSPorn

A mom in Florida recently bought a brand-new PSP for her son... and it included a memory stick filled with porn. (See the story here.) It was all over the news, and many gamers were questioning whether it was a new PSP or a trade-in. With a trade-in, you expect less than 100% like new quality, despite keeping your own games at home in pristine quality - box, manual, the whole shebang. However, I don't know any Wal-Marts that allow you to trade in your PSP. This PSP obviously wasn't new... what does that imply for Sony?

Sony is refurbishing used PSP's and selling them as new. That doesn't sound ammoral at all! It's all about making the money.

I realize times are tough, and the easiest way to make more money is to cut some corners and spend less to make more. Pizza places skimp on toppings. McDonald's raised the price of their double cheeseburger. Why not sell a used video game system for a new price? It's as good as new right? It's like buying a used car. Even one that was taken very good care of is still used. There is wear and tear, and parts that you don't even know you need may fall off. PSP's have very, very small parts. One drop may jar something loose on the inside. It's not sturdy. It's not a DS, where any collision with the ground short of a perfect corner landing will leave it with little more than a scratch. (Yay solid state electronics!) It's a PSP. It's fragile, but it's made for grown-ups that know how to take care of their crap. But when a kid gets his sticky little hands on it, who knows the kind of calamities that may befall it?

Maybe the guy was looking at porn on his boat and dropped it in the lake then had to send it in for a new one. Sony repaired it and reboxed it like new. Then one day, the kid's mom bought it as a 4-month late Christmas present. The kid will be looking at the same porn, and the machine will heat up, and it will act like an incubator, and it will hatch all the shrimp eggs hiding inside it! And the shrimp will crawl into his brain and eat out the back of his eyes! Then where will Sony be? That's right: ULTRA-LAWSUIT 3.0! I can picture it now: Blind kid vs. Sony. Unanimous decision. Yay for blindy!

But maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. Maybe.

Where can I bring this thing?

Portable games should be portable. You have some headphones and a long bus ride, and you should be able to be entertained while still doing well in a game. Patapon is not portable. It is a delightful rhythm game with fun colors and a neat premise. Also, I vote that last sentence as having the corniest adjectives of all time.

Anyway. If you miss one button by a half second, you lose your combo and may lose the level. It's rather harsh to punish a player so severely for something that may be as trivial as driving over a speed bump. Also, if you don't have headphones, there is no way that the wimpy PSP speakers get loud enough to hear over the hustle and bustle around you. (And even if they could, would you even want the guy next to you hearing your "Pata-pata-pata-PON!"?) Patapon can only really be enjoyed like a home console game - at home, on your bed/couch, with no distractions. You will bob your head to the beat and immerse yourself in the 4 square-inch screen. But it's on the PSP - that's PlayStation Portable. And it's not. Epic fail!

Right on Target, but not always in Target

Target sells video games. No way! That's where I used to buy my games before I found out that Wal-Mart is open 24 hours. Now, I buy my games at Best Buy because I get Reward Zone points, but that's not my point. Target is no longer a viable avenue for purchasing games! And that's sad, because we need all the options we can get (like 7-Eleven). Target's always out of stock of the good games, and there are 3 times as many Wii games as there are anything and everything else. Not good Wii games. Target is triple-stocked on Wii Music and the latest Animal Crossing remake, and the "$20 Wii Crap" section is bigger than the entire PSP area. I don't think this is because there's more Wii Crap than PSP games (even though there is). I think this is because people are dumb and will buy anything on Wii that has a colorful box, and Target's top men know this. "$20 for a next-gen game? No way! I'll take three!" PSP is a good system, but it's its own system, and it's not being utilized to its potential. Wii is also a good system, and its gimmicky potential is being fully realized. As a gimmick. There are interesting ways to utilize the Wii controls, or don't! Make a good game that just happens to be on the Wii, even if it doesn't fully utilize the motion controls (Geometry Wars: Galaxies, Guitar Hero/Rock Band). The best DS game of last year, Chrono Trigger, barely used the touch screen, but it's a classic. A pure pedigree shows even if the controls are "traditional." Traditional means functional. And what are the first three letters of functional?

Power Outage

Last week, the power went out for the first time since I moved into my apartment. Without my 360 or a computer, I had my first reason ever to watch a movie on my PSP. However, it had been so long since I powered it up, the battery was completely dead. Thanks, Sony. If you had given me even one reason since Chains of Olympus to keep my PSP charged, I wouldn't have had to read a Terry Pratchett book with a maglite while eating cold pop tarts.
And you wonder why you've been getting stomped by Nintendo since you debuted. It's the games! It's the games... We already have iPods and portable DVD players. You're superior to the DS in so many ways. Utilize them and maybe I'll charge you again one day.